* If your mother messes up your marriage.
* If you are a car salesman and at the same time a singer
* If you dress up to go to grocery store.
* If you go to concert, but you never see the singer and stay in the hallways with your drink and check out girls.
* If you never wear your wedding ring.
* If you smoke 5 packs a day and tell everyone you don't smoke.
* If you pronounce "Sure", SHOOR
* If your favorite drink is Vodka.
* If you are about 35 and have no hair on your head.
* If you watch Iranian program on TV, but always nag for bad programming.
* If you are good in playing backgammon and chess but can't do your taxes.
* If you call gas station, gas eestasion.
* If you ask someone to marry and they want to know if you own a house.
* If you claim you are Italian.
* If you divorce your wife but still don't let her date anyone else.
* If your wife divorces you, but still goes shopping with your sister.
* If you used to be a brain surgeon in
* If you carry 3 pagers and 2 cellular phones and no one ever calls you.
* If you claim your dad was a very good friend of the SHAH.
* If you don't own a house and have no job but still can afford a BMW.
* If you have to shave more than once a day.
* If you were a 4 star general in
* If your in-laws come to visit and they never leave.